this ain't a love song
by vampirediarieslover
Summary: just a short songfic i wrote based on this ain't a love song by scouting for girls


**This ain't a love song**

Just a short songfic I thought of and had to write down

_Every night I remember that evening_

_The way you looked when you said you were leaving_

_The way you cried as you turned to walk away_

_The cruel words and the false accusations_

_The mean looks and the same old frustrations_

_I never thought that we'd throw it all away_

_But we threw it all away._

Beckett was sat on the floor of her apartment in front of her door where she had collapsed there a few hours ago when her life went downhill. She was pondering how her life had changed so drastically and what had happened to her and castle. One minute they were the best crime solving partners the force had ever seen, and the next they were falling out and castle had handed in his resignation and declared he was leaving. She knew some nasty words had been said, and she had told castle she hated him and wanted him to just get of her hair, like he should have done after that first case with his murders in his books being copied, but she didn't mean it, she knew it, he should have known it, why couldn't he see she never meant it? That she didn't hate him, in fact it was the opposite, she loved him and couldn't imagine walking into the precinct every morning when he wasn't there, coffee in hand waiting for her.

She remembered the evening clearly, as if it was a few moments ago, when in reality it was a few hours ago. It was the same cause as all their arguments, and it was getting frustrating which led to her just snapping. Why? She wondered. Why couldn't they just get along and stop the petty arguments? Why couldn't they seem to stop accusing each other of things? `And why was this argument different from the rest? Normally when they argued they went back to being the best of friends again, laughing and joking with each other, acting as if nothing had happened, so why not this time? He just threw away their relationship, acted as if they weren't good friends that they didn't care for each other and left her and the boys at the precinct.

_And I'm a little bit lost without you_

_And I'm a bloody big mess inside_

_And I'm a little bit lost without you_

_This ain't a love song this is goodbye (ooh)_

_This ain't a love song this is goodbye (ooh)_

If she was being honest with herself, she was lost without him. He had made her who she was today and she preferred herself to the old detective Beckett who was never just 'Kate'. He taught her how to live life to the full and have fun once in a while. He was the one that gave her the closure she so desperately needed after her mother's death and taught her how to carry on living, no matter how much pain it caused her. She felt a mess sitting on the floor, not just outside, but on the inside too and all because he left her. Gave up on them. Stopped fighting for her, not that she could blame him if she was totally honest with herself but he had promised to wait for her and so she can't understand why he is giving up now. Before he left, he said that love was just a way to show that eventually you would hurt the people you care about the most and that he didn't want that anymore, didn't want the pain that came with loving her and not having that returned anymore, didn't want to see her love others and so to save the pain caused by it, he was going to leave. This was goodbye, he would get out of her hair at work and leave her to do her job without him there to annoy her, he would stop calling/texting her and would stop any form of contact with her. He even went as far as to say he would move out of the area if it made her feel any better. If he loved her, he wouldn't be doing this, wouldn't be walking away and saying goodbye forever, he would be there with her, trying to sort it out, trying to crack jokes and make her laugh again like he normally would be. Slowly, a few tears slid down her face, leaving a shiny trail in their wake.

_I've been lost, I've been out, I've been losing_

_I've been tired; I'm all hurt and confusion_

_I've been mad; I'm the kind of man that I'm not_

_I'm going down; I'll be coming back fighting_

_I may be scared and a little bit frightened_

_But I'll be back; I'll be coming back to life_

_I'll be coming back to life_

Castle just sat there on the sofa where he had threw himself after leaving Beckett in her apartment thinking about how much hurt and pain had been caused by an argument they have frequently, wondering what had happened this time to make him walk out and leave her, leave his heart behind, because if he was being truthful, Beckett held his heart and always would, whether they were together or not. He was mad, really mad and hurt. She had accused him of sleeping with fan girls and didn't believe he wasn't the playboy he was made out to be. he didn't understand why she wouldn't trust him, wouldn't believe him, thought he was like that when he had shown her the real him. He had not ever let anyone in before and no one knew him except Alexis and his mother. He had let her in and shown her the real him, letting her have his heart, when all he got in return was pain and misery. She had thrown it all back in his face and shown him just what he meant to her, nothing. She had taken his heart and twisted it painfully, breaking it to almost the point of no return. She was bringing him down, but he wouldn't let her, he would fight back and eventually he would be back to his normal self. His only wish is that she either realises she can't treat him like this and tell him to leave her alone , or realise that she has to treat him with respect and not as if he is just some player and he does in fact love her. He only hoped it was the latter and she loved him too.

_And I'm a little bit lost without you_

_And I'm a bloody big mess inside_

_And I'm a little bit lost without you_

_This ain't a love song this is goodbye (oooh)_

_This ain't a love song this is goodbye (ooh)_

He realised that he may never get over her, realised how lost he was without her and how much of a part of his life she actually was. He was a mess, couldn't concentrate on anything. He hated the look on her face when he told her he was leaving, that love wasn't worth the pain he was going through, it nearly killed him to see how upset she was and how lost she looked. However, it was for the best, hopefully space would help them both, she could think how much he meant to her and if she wanted it to be permanent or not, and he could get used to the idea of not seeing her daily so that should she choose that option, he could cope.

_Whoo_

_And you can try (you can try)_

_And you can try but you'll never keep me down_

_And you can try (you can try)_

_And you can try but you'll never keep me down_

_La la la la la la la la la_

_(I won't be lost, I won't be down)_

_And I'm a little bit lost without you_

_And I'm a bloody big mess inside_

_And I'm a little bit lost without you_

_This ain't a love song this is goodbye_

_It's alright (It's alright) cause you can try but you'll never keep me down_

_It's alright (It's alright) I may be lost but you'll never keep me down_

_You can try (you can try) you can try but you'll never keep me down_

_You can try (you can try) I know i'm lost but I'm waiting to be found_

_you'll never keep me down_

_you'll never keep me down_

_never keep me down _

They were both thinking about how they were going to get through with this and how this was going to be sorted out. Castle decided it was her decision as to whether they ever spoke again and what their relationship would be. if they had one. Whilst Beckett was thinking about how she was going to apologise and what she actually felt towards Castle, she knew she loved him, but she wasn't sure if she was ready for a proper relationship yet or not and she wasn't sure of Castle's exact intentions towards her. They both thought about how they hoped that the other felt the same as them and they could overcome this argument to become more than friends because they loved each other a great deal and these few hours separate made each of them realise just how much the other means to them.

Reviews would be appreciated, whether it be constructive criticism or just a general review, thanks


End file.
